


Changing Me

by SquishyBean



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Brain Damage, Car Accidents, Drama & Romance, M/M, Major Character Injury, klance, minor references to religion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-13 00:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10502646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SquishyBean/pseuds/SquishyBean
Summary: I never knew just how important you were to me until I saw how much you changed me for the better. But now it's too late.





	

_ It was my fault. _

_ Here I sit next to someone who meant everything to me but is now on the verge of death. I sit here grasping his hand in my shaking ones and beg to God with all my heart and soul that this burden could be taken from him; that what happened could be redone. I want the too realistic images in my mind to go away. _

_. . . Why?? _

_ It hurts . . . Just to see him there. He's not even recognizable. So many bandages and machines attached to his feeble and delicate body.  _

_ They're there because of me. _

_ I will never forgive myself. Why should he forgive me either? _

_ I just listen to beeping and whirring of machines that prove he's still alive . . . barely . . . _

_ And there is nothing I can do about it . . . _

 

* * *

 

There was a barbecue going on in the neighborhood park and everyone was enjoying themselves on that hot summer day. Kids were running around with squirt guns and the adults were talking at the tables eating burgers, hot dogs, grilled chicken, etc. Lance of course didn't care much for boring adult conversation (despite being a legal adult now) and took it upon himself to “entertain” the kids.

“Be careful Lance,” his mother, Maria, called, “remember, you’re bigger than them.”

“Not by much,” Hunk joked. 

Lance’s friends were always quick to make a joke about Lance’s lankiness. It didn't bother him too much. It only bothered him when someone thought his skinniness made him a weakling.

Lance came over to sit at the table to take a bite of food. His shirt and hair were almost completely soaked. 

“You lost.” Hunk smirked.

“What?? Excuse me, I won!  I am the master of water, don’t you know? I’m like a mermaid. I dominated!” Lance argued.

Pidge sat next to Matt, playing a gameboy with him, almost fully concentrated. “Dominated a bunch of children . . .” She mumbled.

“I’m ignoring you,” Lance raised his nose in the air and took a big bite out his hamburger.

“Such sass.” said Hunk.

“Beautiful sass,” Lance corrected him with his mouth full and looked around the park. “ . . . Hey I just realized, did Shiro and Keith show up?” he asked.

“I think I saw Shiro when we got here.” Pidge responded “I wouldn't be surprised of Keith didn't come though . . .” 

“Yeah you're right . . .” Lance said with a bit of a sad expression. He shook it off and went back to stuffing his face with food.

“Maybe you should go visit him. Maybe even invite him to come. The outdoors might do him some good,” Maria suggested obviously hinting at something.

“What??” Some food flying out of Lance’s mouth, “Um, No. Keith hates me, he's not going to listen to me.”

“I'm sure he doesn't  _ hate _ you.”

“Um . . . Have you seen him around me?”

Maria waved a hand, “Go. right now. Go invite him.”

“Noooooo . . .”

“You need to try and serve those in need.”

“But why  _ him,  _ maaaaa??”

“Lance.”

“I’m sure he’s just fine!”

“Now. Lance” Maria wasn’t playing around. Was she trying to get at something? What was her deal?

Lance groaned and stood up from the table “Fiiiiiiine! For a good cause! But I won’t like it!” He marched away, heading out of the park towards Keith's house, grumbling to himself about the many reasons why this was stupid. He tried to walk slowly. Was he afraid? Pffft. Of course not. He just didn’t want to hear Keith criticize him for . . . anything. He wasn’t exactly sure what Keith’s problem was but for some reason Keith always seemed extra grumpy when Lance was around and he would make rude comments just to tick Lance off. Sure there were lots of jerks Lance has met, but there was something about Keith that ticked him off more than anyone else.

He walked up to Keith’s house and knocked sort of unenthusiastically. He rocked back and forth on his feet waiting for someone to answer, looking around at anywhere but the door. It seemed like he was was waiting forever. _I’m not just gonna stand around and wait for him to open the door._ _If he wants to just be rude, then fine._ Lance almost walked away before the door opened.

Much to Lance’s relief, Keith’s sister, Thallia, was standing there. “Oh . . . hey Lance.” She said. She looked depressed, but who would blame her? At least she dealt with her problems better than Keith did. 

“Hey Thallia. You didn’t go the barbecue either?” Lance asked.

“Nah. Parties aren’t really my thing. I have a friend over.”

“I see . . . Is Keith here?”

She seemed sort of surprised that  _ Lance  _ of all people was asking for  _ Keith _ . “Uh . . . yeah he’s up in his room.” She let Lance inside.

“Okay . . .” Lance said. He just kind of stood there awkwardly after that.

“Um . . . Did you want to go up and see him . . .?” Thallia asked.

“O-Oh . . . right . . . yeah.” He pointed at the stairs and start slowly climbing up them.

“Second door on the left.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”  _ Oh man, here we go . . . _

Lance made his way to Keith’s room that had a sign on the door that said “Do not disturb”.  _ Sure okay, I won’t disturb. I’ll just pretend like I saw him. He’s fine, I’m sure . . . Then again . . .  _ He knocked on the door.  _ Oh crap! What have I done?? _

“Who is it . . . ?” Keith’s voice came in a low and somewhat quiet tone.

_ Crap dangit shoot, he’s in there.  _ “U-Uh . . . It’s me Lance. I . . . came to say hi . . . or something . . .”  _ Smooth Lance. _

Keith didn’t answer but the sound of him getting up from his bed could be heard.  _ Here he comes. I’m dead.  _ The door opened and there Keith stood. He didn’t look good . . . like he hadn't slept in weeks and his hair was kind of a mess. 

Lance smiled nervously. “U-Um . . . Hey.”

“Hey . . .” Keith responded. He wasn't mad. This was surprising. 

Lance looked around awkwardly. “So um . . . What are you up to?”

“Nothing. I was just writing . . .”

“You write?” Lance asked even more surprised.

Keith shrugged. “It helps me cope.”

Lance nodded. “Well, I was just wondering if you were planning on coming to the barbecue? I-If you don’t want to that’s fine . . .”

“Um . . . I don’t . . . really want to . . . I don’t really feel like being around people who will only pity me rather than just talk to me.”

“Oh I see . . . do . . . you need someone to talk to?”  _ Please don’t say yes . . . _

Keith shook his head. “No I’m fine.”

Lance’s shoulders sort of relaxed from being all tensed. He figured he still had to obey his mother though and be the nice guy. “Well maybe you shouldn’t be alone  . . . Maybe we can hang out for a while? . . . Maybe? I get if you don’t want to.”

“Well you’re very unsure of yourself aren’t you?”

Lance sputtered, “Hey, I’m  _ very  _ sure of myself. I am of the surest surety that I can possibly be. Because . . . Because I’m awesome like that.

Keith tsked and shook his head. He started walking back to his bed. “Just come in or whatever you want to do . . .”

“Oh . . . Okay . . .” Lance carefully stepped through the door and looked around Keith’s room. It was a little messy. Some shirts on the floor, but it wasn’t bad. There were quite a few posters of book covers that Lance wasn’t familiar with. “You know . . . for someone who likes to do ‘risky things’ I never would have guessed you were a book person.”

“Some of the time,” Keith said sitting on his bed and picked up his laptop to start typing, “I like the fandoms mostly.”

“Ah I see. Yeah, I’m the same way only with tv shows. I can’t really focus my brain enough to read much.”

Keith sort of nodded in agreement. He scooted over as if inviting Lance to sit next to him. Lance raised a brow and cautiously sat down, sitting up against the wall next to Keith. He did his best not to get  _ too  _ close. He watched Keith type, his black hair hanging over his face. Keith had such clear skin, how is that even possible? And his hair, it was so shiny. He also looked really good in a tank-top that showed off his soft, pale skin. For some reason Lance couldn’t stop looking at him until he suddenly realized he was staring. “. . . What are you writing?” He asked.

Keith shrugged, “Just a story.”

Lance looked around and then back at Keith, “ . . . What kind of story?”

“A drama I guess.”

“ . . . What’s it about?”

“. . . nothing important.”

Lance figured by now that Keith just didn’t want to share with him. He felt incredibly awkward and he wasn’t exactly sure why. So he just sat there silently. He was doing his best to be careful with Keith. Ever since Keith’s father passed away, Keith and Thallia had been left alone. That gave Keith an excuse to miss school a lot. He never talked to anyone anymore. He spent most of his time in his room or on his motorcycle as far as Lance was concerned. Where did he go? No one really knew. Thallia usually had an idea but was pretty unsure herself.

Lance felt bad for Keith. Wait. Why?? It’s not like they were  _ friends _ . Keith hated him. He’d said himself that Lance was the most annoying person. Everyone kind of thought that. Somehow it hurt even more to know that Keith didn’t like him. He didn’t know why. Was Lance was jealous of him? Please, jealous of what? His good looks and charm and outwardly-edgy-but-secretly-a-book-nerd-ness . . . maybe that  _ was  _ a possibility. But it’s not like he  _ liked  _ Keith . . . did he?

“Do you like video games?” He couldn’t take the silence.

“Sort of . . .”

“Movies?”

“Sometimes . . .”

_ Man _ , this guy was hard to talk to. “Do you like Star Wars?”

“Never really seen it . . .”

“Woah what??” Lance’s eyes went wide, “You seriously have never seen it??”

“Nope.”

Now they had something to discuss. “Dude that’s like . . . no. You know what? We should watch it. Right now.”

Keith looked at him, raising a brow. “Right now . . .?”

“Yes. Come on. Get up. We can go to my house.”

“I’m good . . .”

Lance nudged him. “Up up up.”

“No thanks . . .”

Lance pushed on him more. “Come ooooon!”

“I said no,” Keith was getting annoyed.

Lance pushed him over “Get up!”

“Dude! Stop!” Keith sort of glared at him.

Lance finally took the hint and scooted away. “I was just trying to help you.”

“That’s not really helping.” Keith was pretty displeased now but not necessarily angry.

“Well . . . you seem depressed and I thought leaving your room for once would help.”

“Well maybe I don’t  _ want  _ your help.” Keith snapped.

That somehow hurt Lance inside. “. . . Okay . . . fine. Sorr-y for trying to be nice but I guess you just  _ hate  _ me . . .”

Keith didn’t say anything. Oh gosh, the silence did not feel good. Say  _ something  _ Keith. Was this him agreeing with Lance that he hated him . . .?

“I just don’t get what your problem is . . .” Lance said. “I understand you’re going through a hard time but you don’t have to be so rude to me . . .”

“How am I being rude??” Keith raised his voice slightly.

That was a good point. Thinking back Keith wasn’t being rude to him. In fact he never really has said rude things to him but for some reason whatever Keith says feels like Lance should be offended. “You’re . . . just not . . . accepting my kindness.”

“Yes, you’re being  _ so  _ kind,” Keith responded sarcastically.

“I  _ am _ .”

“Was it  _ your  _ decision to come here?”

. . . _ crap . . .  _ Lance said nothing.

“. . . That’s what I thought,” Keith said. He went back to what he was writing.

“Keith . . . I just . . . I just thought you hate me and wouldn’t want to see me.”

“I don’t  _ hate  _ you Lance!” Keith said. He actually seemed sincere. In fact it looked like he might cry.

Lance looked in Keith’s eyes, his shiny bluish-gray eyes. His softened up a bit, he could tell Keith wasn’t just saying that. “ . . . Well . . . you always just seemed annoyed with me or that you don’t want me around . . .”

“I’m like that with everyone . . . I’m not a people person if you hadn’t noticed.”

_ Crap again . . .  _ “Oh . . . I . . . don’t hate you either . . .”

Keith nodded. “That’s good to know . . .”

“Um . . . in fact I think you’re pretty cool . . .”

Keith looked at Lance like he wasn’t sure what Lance just said and then looked away. “Oh . . . thanks. You’re pretty cool too.”

Lance’s heart skipped a beat for some reason. Wait, did he mean that? Was he just being nice now? Augh! So many questions were running through Lance’s mind. They sat there silently in awkwardness again.

Lance scratched the back of his head and sighed. “Okay . . . I’m sorry . . . Let’s start over here. Um . . . so you don’t want to go to the barbecue and you don’t want to watch a movie . . . is there something you  _ do  _ want to do . . . outside of the house maybe?”

Keith thought for a minute. “We could go for a drive . . .”

Lance’s eyes went wide. “On your motorcycle??” Although, Keith driving on a motorcycle was sort of attractive in a way . . . He just didn’t want to be on it with him . . . wrapping his arms around Keith like romance movie or whatever . . . No, that’d just be weird.

“What? No. We can take the car. I don’t  _ just  _ drive a motorcycle you know.”

Oh yeah, that sort of made sense. Maybe Lance didn’t know Keith as much as he thought.

“Okay. Sure let’s go”

 

. . .

 

Lance sat in the passenger seat and couldn’t keep still. Here he was in the car next to his apparently former-enemy who didn’t hate him after all on their way to who knows where. Keith had the radio playing old music so it wouldn’t be so quiet and awkward. Lance looked over at him and found himself staring again. Suddenly he’s seeing Keith in a different way. Here was a guy who appeared to be some bad boy but is actually more than that. Keith was into fandoms and most likely wrote fanfics. That was actually kind of cute. Maybe he wasn’t grumpy . . . maybe he was just shy.

Keith had an unreadable face, just focused on the road. He seemed to be in thought, though. What was going on his head? It probably wasn’t about Lance.

“So . . . Where are we going?” Lance finally asked.

“Just to go see some nature I guess,” Keith answered softly.

Lance nodded. “Cool.”

“Hey . . . Lance?”

“Yeah . . .?” Lance responded a bit nervously.

“Thanks . . . for coming to see me.”

He was thanking him now?? Lance was overwhelmingly confused and was starting to question if this was even the same Keith he was talking to. But at the same time it made him feel pretty warm inside . . . yet guilty too. “W-Well it was kind of . . . my mom’s idea.” He had to be honest.

“I know . . . but . . . thank you anyway. I-It means a lot.”

Suddenly just his presence had meaning to Keith. “You’re welcome, I . . . I’m actually glad I came.” He stared out the window trying to keep away a blush for a few minutes before looking back at Keith. “It’s only me though . . . you’d probably be better off with one of your friends . . .”

Keith’s eyebrows furrowed somewhat sadly and said nothing. Lance just picked a nerve he probably shouldn’t have.  _ Uh oh . . . I just blew it didn’t I? _

“S-sorry . . .” Lance said.

“It’s okay . . .” Keith said. “But no. . . I don’t really have friends . . . at least not good ones.”

Lance looked at him surprised, ,“You?? No. I’m sure you have  _ lots _ of friends.”

Keith shook his head. “No . . . every friend I’ve ever had has . . . turned out to be a disappointment to put it lightly. I guess my personality is ‘too frustrating for people’ ”

“Oh . . . I’m sorry . . .” this kind of hurt Lance’s heart. Poor guy . . . No one must know him very well. Wait . . . neither did he . . . He never gave Keith the chance.  _ Oh my gosh, I’m such a hypocrite. _

Keith just shrugged “It doesn’t matter. Good friends are rare I suppose . . .”

Lance felt really guilty now. He hadn’t even considered Keith to be someone to struggle socially beyond just being grumpy and people-hating. Lance has always judged him without even thinking that maybe they actually things in common. He sat there staring out the window silently as they began driving into the canyon.

 

. . .

 

Lance was panting trying to keep up with Keith as they hiked up the trail. “Could you slow down??”

“I'm going as slow as I can.”

“I’m hot! And thirsty! I'm dying back here!”

“It's like the easiest trail, quit your whining.”

Lance mumbled under his breath, “ _ You _ quit  _ your  _ whining . . .”

“Once we get to the top you'll be glad you came.” Keith assured him.

“I sure hope so.”

After what seemed like forever they finally made it to the top of the cliff. Much to Lance’s surprise, it had an amazing view of the valley. It wasn't like looking over the land of some magical place, but the way the sun shined through the clouds over the farms and luscious green fields, it was incredible.

“Woah . . .” Lance gawked.

Keith sat down on a rock to stare at the view. “Nice, isn't it?”

“ . . . You're just full of surprises aren't you?”

Keith broke his gaze and looked at Lance. “What do you mean . . .?”

“Heh well I mean . . . I wasn't even expecting you to even let me in your room earlier . . . And now here we are climbing mountains together . . .”

Keith looked down and then back at the view. “I guess . . . It takes to tragedy to finally see how you really feel about certain people . . .”

“Wait . . . So . . . How  _ do  _ you feel?” Lance was extremely curious now.

Keith shrugged. “I dunno . . . I mean I've always thought you were pretty cool . . .”

Lance’s jaw nearly dropped. “You've  _ always  _ thought that?? . . . It's never really . . . felt that you have . . .”

Keith nodded. “Yeah I know . . . I guess I've just been . . . jealous of you.”

“Woah woah woah, stop. Jealous of  _ me _ ??”

“Yeah . . . You have a fun personality and people seem to really like you and you have a lot of cool talents . . .”

Lance felt like he was going to explode any second. He looked down to hide his blush. “W-Well . . . Actually not many people like me . . . Most people just find me annoying and kind of dumb . . .”

Keith looked at him again seemingly surprised. He wasn't sure what to say for a moment. 

“And I guess I'm okay at a few things but . . . I'm mostly just a geek, heh.”

“I think you just don't see yourself the same way other people do . . .”

This left Lance really confused, his mind was racing. What was Keith trying to say? Did he like him? Wait no, that would be ridiculous. Either way, Keith was being so sincere with him, yet somehow he felt like it was all some game. No one would ever say those kinds of to him.

“Yeah . . . I guess . . . I’m just not too fond of myself . . .”

The two sat there silently enjoying the view for quite a while. Neither of them knew what to say after that.

 

. . .

 

The two stayed out for a lot longer than they planned. In fact, by the time they got home, the sun was setting. They actually began to have more open talk with each other. Keith wasn’t so bad. He was actually kind of fun. 

“Hey. Do you want to maybe . . . hang out again tomorrow?” Lance asked as Keith drove up to Lance’s house.

Keith looked at Lance before giving him a kind smile, “Sure why not.” He responded.

Lance felt like he might turn red at the sight of Keith’s smile, which by the way was really cute for some reason. “Ahaha, o-okay cool. So I’ll just . . . knock on your door?”

Keith nodded, “Yeah sure.”

“Okay . . . um . . . se ya later then,” Lance got himself out of Keith’s car and made his way rather quickly to his door and didn’t even bother to look back and check if Keith was still there. He immediately when into his house. He pressed his back against the door and exhaled heavily.

“How’d it go?” Maria asked from the kitchen.

Lance jumped a bit, not expected her to be there. “U-Uh . . . it was okay . . . whatever. I dunno. I’m going to bed.” He began walking up the stairs.

“Without dinner?” Mari asked.

“Already had some,” His stomach was churning and he felt like he might puke at any moment. “Goodnight!” He closed the door to his bedroom.

 

That night, Lance lied in bed, wide awake. He was deep in thought and like 97% of his thoughts were about Keith. He thought about what Keith said while they were on their hike. Why was he trying to convince him that Lance had good things about him? Lance thought he wasn’t great at all. It was always pretty insecure about himself so he wasn’t sure what Keith was even talking about. Maybe he was just being nice . . . But why is he being nice to him so suddenly?The whole thing was driving him crazy. What did he mean by that he was finally realizing how he felt?? Also, why was this driving him so crazy? It was just  _ Keith. _

Just Keith . . .

 

* * *

 

_ I asked his doctor if he was going to be okay. He said he suffered pretty bad brain damage and it’s unknown whether or not he’s going to recover. _

_ That's pretty obvious considering that just by looking him you can tell that he's not functioning right. He can barely even say anything. _

_ I ruined him . . . _

_ I ruined the first person who has ever actually loved me . . . _

_ Why did he have to go and care about me? I'm not deserving of his love. But yet I just had to love him back . . . _

_ But it's his fault for making me fall in love with him. _

_ Jerk. _

_ Dang it . . . I love you Keith . . . _

_. . . _

  
  



End file.
